Sometimes things just don’t turn out how we want. It could be anything—poor credit, a low appraisal, a cloud on the title, note holder gets the payor to pay off at a discount, note holder never returns closing docs and doesn’t return phone calls or emails any more, the investor has a weird feeling, etc. We enter into these note purchase transactions with high hopes, and often, when our hopes are dashed, we feel intensely disappointed. Over the years I have figured out a few ways to ease the sting of disappointment so that the next time things don’t go your way (and trust me, there will be a next time) you’ll be able to bounce back more easily.
Trust – Many times, when things don’t work out as we planned, there’s actually something bigger and better on the horizon. You’ve probably experienced this before—you get all worked up because a deal didn’t close or something like that—only to realize, in hindsight, that if you would have closed that transaction, you never would have learned what to avoid on future potential note transactions so you don’t waste your time or spin your wheels. At the time, you probably felt angry, sad, and disappointed. But in retrospect, you can see how everything was working out with perfect timing.
When things don’t go our way in the note business, it’s important to learn to trust that the universe has our back. Even though your situation might look bleak at the moment, there’s something better coming. I truly believe that when we think in this way, we actually create these bigger and better things. Call it a shift in perspective, a self-fulfilling prophecy, or the law of attraction. However you want to think of it, there’s a mountain of evidence attesting to the fact that, in all areas of life, mindset matters.
I recently read Cheryl Richardson’s, best-selling author of The Art of Extreme Self-Care and You Can Create an Exceptional Life, story of her experience with the Oprah show. One day, Cheryl got the call that many people dream of—Oprah wanted to have her on her show. Cheryl was elated, until she received another call a few weeks before the show was to air. It ended up that Oprah didn’t want her anymore. Cheryl was devastated, but after some initial mourning, she kept following her passion of being a life coach and author. Then, a year later, Oprah called again. This time, Cheryl got on the show, and she did so well that Oprah turned her into a regular guest on her Life Makeover Series. The moral? Cheryl says that if she had gotten on the show the first time around, she wouldn’t have done as well, because she didn’t have enough media experience to nail the interview. The extra year gave her time to hone her craft so that when she did end up on the show, she knocked it out of the park. The next time a transaction doesn’t go your way; say to yourself, “I trust that everything will happen in perfect in time.”
All you have is this moment, right here, right now. This is it! Enjoy it as best as you can. If this moment is difficult, return to point one and trust that something better is on the way.
Release – In the note business, we often place far too much emphasis on the outcome of our actions, as opposed to enjoying the journey. We have a picture in our mind of exactly how everything is supposed to work out: we’ll have this many calls a month, a deal should only take this long, this much money in the bank by this year, this many transactions closed a year, this car, this house, and on and on.
Unfortunately, this isn’t how the real world works. Of course, it’s always nice to have goals and a vision of what we want in life and where we want our note business to go, but if we attach too strongly to that vision, we end up feeling crushed when things don’t go according to our plan. We need to loosen our grip on the outcome and learn to enjoy the process. We try so hard to control our note businesses and we need to let go of our attachment to the outcome. Release the shoulda, coulda, woulda’s, don’t place blame and just accept what happens does so for a reason even if we can’t see the reason yet. It is what it is and we then ask ourselves what we can learn from it.
Expand – When we’re working toward a goal of getting a transaction to close, we often have on blinders. These blinders cause us to see a very narrow picture of the outcome that we desire. Unfortunately, this tunnel vision results in a very close-minded approach that can actually stifle our motivation and creativity. Try to keep an open mind. You can visualize the outcome that you desire, and then affirm to yourself, “I trust that this or something better is going to happen.” The next time you catch yourself obsessing over a very specific outcome, ask yourself, “What else is possible?” After all there are many, many ways to buy and broker a note and a solution may be out there.
The trick here is to avoid searching for an answer with your logical mind. We tend to overemphasize the capabilities of our rational mind, when in fact; research shows that we actually make poorer decisions when we rely on logic. Many times, our emotions, gut feelings, and unconscious minds lead us to better decisions. Creativity is not logical. You’ve probably heard many examples where people came up with solutions to problems, inventions, and beautiful pieces of art through dreams or other unconscious means.
When we find ourselves getting too preoccupied with an outcome, we need to let it go for awhile and expand our mindset. Go for a walk, spend time with a loved one, or meditate. Continue to ask yourself, “What else is possible?” But don’t go searching for the answer. Let it percolate. The guidance will come exactly when it’s meant to.
In the end, when transactions do not close, these disappointments often bear hidden gifts. The trick is to shift our perspective so that we can see these blessings for what they are. In his book The Gift of Fire, Dan Caro talks about how a horrible childhood accident that left him disfigured and near death was actually a gift. Dan learned early on how to make adversity work for him, and you can too.
Take a deep breath, and trust, release, and expand. TWITA! (That’s What I’m Talking About!)